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| A-dang-mazing.
I can't believe it. Even when you think you believe it, you look at it again and go "How!"
I may actually just have had the biggest breakthrough of my life. And I've been praying for it specifically for months. I now personally know that God can do bigger things than we make him out to be able to.
And leaning on God takes the pressure of off everything somehow.
Now onto the next challenge. | | |
| Alright, it's much too easy to drop out of things. I've spent almost NO time with God for about 3 months at least. I used to spend more time before I got my job and became very stressed out. How am I ever going to be able to dedicate my life to God if he's getting less than 20 minutes of my time per day? Good news.. I've quit my job. I put in my two weeks notice on Christmas Eve. Now what? I didn't do it so I could spend more time with God, though I should've. Gah. I did it so I can get more money spending my energy somewhere else. How do I become a leader? I'm definitely disappointed in myself when it comes to being who I want to be. I fall short of my ideal self. I want to be so much more, dedicating so much more, sacrificing so much more. How do I really become a leader? Does anybody really know? If you think you do, you probably don't. And if you're sure you do, you really don't. | | |
| So I'm trying to figure out what happened exactly. At what point were things established? I know that things have changed, but where along the line were they dotted or crossed? I sure don't like how they've become. But I'm moving forward. So why is there regret or confusion? I can't tell whether we left something behind or something was taken for granted and became malnourished. I'm sure it's the latter. But was it ever even there? I can't remember being enthusiastic... like in the least. Until sort of recently. How do things rise just to fall? I don't understand it, Jesus. Show me what happened. Show me how things changed. Show me how I allowed things to escape my grasp. Show me what part I played in all of this. Jesus, let me know how things came into being. I don't want to always have a pressing question of why. I hate placing the blame on myself, but PLEASE, if that is the way to see things in the correct lighting, then let me. Allow me to see the picture outside of my perspective. Take me to your perspective. I don't understand. Give me wisdom and strength to walk without a map. The only direction that I want is from you. I would be nowhere without you. You've taken me from even tougher times, so I will rely on your strength to carry me through once again. You're the only source of hope that I will choose to fall back on. Give me a divine knowledge of how to deal with this and how to react positively. Show me your will throughout all of this. Don't let me fall back on my way to you. Straighten my path and let me see you again. Help me to let go of the past and to live for eternity with you. I love you and entrust this situation in your hands. In the name of Jesus, change what I see. I can hear my heart
It's crying out to you
You are rich in mercy
I will look to you
I will rise at midnight
My song will be heard
I live life by your side
I stand on your word
And my song will be heard at all times..
Tell me where you want me
I'll go
Anywhere you need me
I'll go
When my heart is ready
I know you will call my name
Looking past my pain
I give it all to you
You are God of healing
I will look to you
Let my life glorify
All that you're worth
I rely on your strength
I stand by your word
And my song will be heard at all times.. Let me be one of the faithful. | | |
| How long must I wait before I get another taste of God's grace? I keep mistaking myself that I haven't ever, but too often do I credit chance or myself for great things. I've started keeping track of my prayer requests and checking off the answered ones. I got an old binder (that I hardly had used) and just listed them out. I've gotten a TON of checkmarks now-- it's been about 3 months since I started. And, if I might mention, God delivered BOTH of my parents from almost certain cancer. They had ruled out everything else out; they only needed one more test to make it official. (That was with my dad.) Well, let me tell you.... Somehow not only is it not cancer, it isn't ANYTHING. God doesn't do miracles halfway. God is so gracious. But now I'm getting impatient again. I've really been looking inward for answers. Not like a creepy meditation or anything... I mean like I've been wondering if maybe God is allowing time between his certain signs of power for me to mature. I have been fasting, but I always get weak and break my fasts accidentally or end them early. That happened this time too. I really need to beat my body into submission. I don't want urges and temptations to have the upper hand. I want the spiritual side and the effects of my actions to rule me. God, give me wisdom. I don't want to see things in a tainted light; let me see things how you see them and act on that alone. Take me deeper; take me higher. | | |
| I'm REALLY overjoyed to see God bringing new people to IHOP. New friends of mine starting to be moved by him. Songs pouring out of me easily... even if they might not be that good. I love Jesus. He's so good and just. His timing is perfect. And this is God's year for me. Wow. | | |
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